How to
by HeartOfACrow
Summary: These are classical how to's.How to get kicked out of random places and more.Gives a list then shows characters put it in action.
1. Trip to WalMart

This is one of the classical How To's.

How to get kicked out of the weirdest places.

How to ruin your enemies' lives.

And more...

You'll get the How To list and then see how our characters put it in action.

How to get kicked out of Wal-mart.

1. Go to Wal-Mart.

2. Go to random places and put things into your shopping cart.

3. Put everything in the wrong place and upside down.

4. Go to the freezer section with a lot of water.

5. Open all the freezer doors and prop them open.

6. Pour all the water on the floor and skate on it when it freezes.

7. Start a pillow fight and 'accidently' break a very expensive piece of glassware.

8. Begin to be a families shadow until they finally get police officers on you

9. Start a food fight.

10. Take a man hostage in the girls' bathroom and dye his hair pink (he is not allowed to be gay)

The real story has more details.

"Emmy.'' I said walking into the living room.

"What Bells?"He said from the couch where he was watching NASCAR.

"Hey Redneck Vampire I'm hungry and there isn't shit in this house.' I said to him

He shot up off the couch and stared at me with excitement in his eyes.

"There isn't?"He asked and I answered with a nod.

"OH YEA TIME TO GO TO WAL-MART!!!"He said jumping up and down.

Now I have a new reason for Edward to never let me stay with him, he gets excitement from going to stores.

He grabbed my hand and used his inhuman speed to get me to his jeep.

He jumped in the driver's seat and put his hand on the wheel.

He just sat there with a huge smile on his face and staring ahead of him.

He slowly turned his head toward me and his smile got really creepy looking.

"Come on."He said his eye twitching a little.

"Um Emmet is it okay if I just go to a corner store or something?'I asked afraid of his answer.

Emmet's eye twitched some more before he started to fake cry.

"W-why are you so m-mean to me? I just w-wanted to h-h-help."He said in a totally fake shaky voice.

"Okay fine I'll let you take me to Wal-mart."I said before walking around to the passenger seat and buckling myself in.

"Don't worry Bells I won't go as fast as Edward."Emmet said. I sighed in relief but I guess that wasn't the best thing to do.

But of course he didn't go as fast as Edward, he went faster.

Actually if he would have went any faster he would have broke the speed meter thing.

We got there in a couple minutes but when Emmet got out I just sat there.

My nails were dug deeply in the seats and my eyelids where so tight together, you would have thought they were stapled.

"Oh Bella it wasn't that fast."Emmet said opening my door and unbuckling me.

He picked me up and took me into the massive store.

My eyes still shut tightly.


	2. Baby steps

It took a few seconds for me to open my eyes.

"Oh the baby finally opened her eyes, poor baby."Emmet said before I realized he was holding me like he would a real baby.

"Damn it Emmet put me down." Once he set me on my feet he went and got a cart.

"So what do we get first?"Emmet asked me.

"Well we just came for food."I said but it was too late. He was already heading for the toy section.

I ran after him as he went to the section with dolls and action figures.

"What are you doing Emmet?"I asked as I caught up with him.

He didn't answer he just picked up a G I Joe action figure and a Malibu Barbie doll.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED THOSE FOR?"I asked when I got annoyed.

"Shh. They must not know."He said as he threw them and a couple more toys in the cart.

"Who?'I whispered back.

"The magic TV people."He said pointing at the camera before he waved.

"I named that one sherry."He said then walked away.

"Okay."I walked with him again.

We ended up going through the pet supplies, underwear, and shoes aisle before he told me what he was doing.

"You see Bella we are going to put these in the wrong places doing weird things."He told me.

"You got it." I nodded my head yes.

We headed toward the first spot of destruction.

The Pet aisle.

"Oh oh oh. I know what to do."I said jumping up and down.

"Go for it."Emmet said before turning around so he wouldn't see what I was doing.

I quickly took all the underwear and bras out of the cart.

I walked toward my first victim, a cat.

I took it out of its cage and put on a pair of granny panties before putting it back into its cage.

It went like that for the rest of the animals.

There were dogs wearing bras and some wearing thongs.

The cats were just the same.

"Emmet come on."I said because when I looked over there was a chubby guard coming our way.

"What why?"He asked when I ran away with the cart.

I'm guessing he saw what I did because when he was running next to me and he was laughing.

I smiled and kept running.

We went around and did the same thing.

Now, G I Joe and Barbie are doing it in the electronics (They are facing a camera to).

Dog food in every toilet.

And shoes leading to a fake murder where we put ketchup and hamburger on the ground.

"Bella have you ever went ice skating?" Emmet asked.

"Yea why."I answered and asked.

"No reason."Emmet was putting bottles upon bottles of water in the cart and smiling.


	3. Shower time

He finished putting the bottles into the cart, and I just kept watching.

"Hey go and get let's say around twelve chairs, oh you might need a cart."Emmet told me. I shrugged my shoulder and took a cart that was just sitting around in the aisle. I walked to the aisle that they held foldable chairs and filled my cart with them. As I walked back I passed a group of people laughing and staring at something.

"What's going on?"I asked a tall man walking out of the group. He was tall and black with blackish hair that was kind of hinted with red. He was wearing shaded jeans and a yellow shirt. He didn't look like the kind of guy to be laughing, and I wouldn't want to walk up to him if he was pissed.

"Barbie, G-I-Joe, camera, looks like, trying, porn."That was all I got out of him before he was laughing again but I already knew what he was talking about. The one thing Emmet and I did to the doll things.

I walked quicker back to Emmet to tell him but he was talking to other people. I got there in time to hear the last of the conversation. 'God and their doing it. There's a big group around it watching and laughing you have to check it out.' Then they turned and walked away. Emmet looked over at me and winked.

"I got the chairs."I said and nodded toward the cart.

"Yeah you do. Take them over to the freezer doors and prop as many as you can open with the chairs."I nodded and did what I was told to do.

I propped every other door open and went back to prop the ones I didn't open before with the extra chairs. So there were about fifteen doors open. The last door I opened was filled with ice cream. The sight of it made my stomach growl with hunger. Then I remembered that the whole reason we were here was to buy food. When I saw Emmet walking toward me with the water I glared at him.

"What?" He asked when he reached me.

"The whole reason we came was to buy food you big blimp.'' I told him. He looked like he was going to cry. But not really cry but fake cry. I mean he can't cry anyway.

"I-I was just trying to have some fun."He stuttered pretending to cry. He wasn't pretending really loud like it was going attract attention. But it was loud enough to annoy me.

"Okay fine. But we're getting food when you're done." I told him pushing him off my shoulder that he was 'crying on'.

"Yea! Now please help me open all this water and pour it on the floor."He said pulling two jugs of water out of the cart handing one to me and one for himself. We unscrewed the caps and poured the water onto the ground. That's when a wonderful idea popped into my head. When I took out my second jug and unscrewed the lid instead of pouring it on the ground, I walked behind Emmet and poured it all over Emmet. That actually surprised him because he turned around and faced me looking shocked. Now if that would have been Alice she would stopped me before I could have even took the lid off.

"Man Em I thought you would have heard me you know with your really good hearing."I said smiling.

"Well, Bella I was really focusing on pouring water. And you just wasted the second to last bottle on me. You want to know where this bottle is going?" Emmet suddenly had an opened jug in his hand. And right before I could run I felt the cold water hit my head and then my arms.

"Oh great what do we do now?"I asked turning to Emmet who was laughing a little until he realized he was still wet to.

"Well my plan to make an ice skating ring is canceled, let's get dried off."

"And how do we do that, huh vampy?'' I asked mad now that I was wet and freezing. Emmet made a movement for me to follow him so I did. I can't believe how obedient I was being, if I knew any of his plans then I probably wouldn't listen so much. Damn you Emmet.


End file.
